Saturday, February 14, 2009

To Smoke or not to smoke...part deux

So, I go and get my maryjane med card. Went off Cymbalta and Trazadone. Trazadone, I've been on for years and years. Couldn't sleep at all without it, no matter how tired I got. I just wouldn't go to sleep. Nod off, jerk awake. So, I took it to sleep, knowing full well that I was heading for another nightmare state. I told my nurse the other day when I picked up my meds that it's been unbearable, feeling as bad as I've done.

So I said F it the other day, and went to Venice Beach and got my card. It's helped me be very creative lately, and has helped with the pain I get. Especially helps with the side effects of going off my psychotropic drugs. I'm still on Lamactil, cuz it's a mood stabilizer. I can't give everything up. I've been talking about going off my meds for a long time.

I just realized something. I've probably kicked myself out of my own apt., getting my med-mj card. How stupid is that! I'm so impulsive--I do stuff, then realize the consequences later. Yeah, I may lose my apt. cuz of this! Dumb ass!

I hope I won't be eating out of garbage can this time next year.

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