ah so, said charlie chan, i have found a new way of formatting...

sorry if i am offensive to my Asian readers. i am just putting here something i hear in my free form stream of consciousness.....i have given up trying to swim against the current. i am going with the flow of ideas and sayings and thoughts.....that is free association and creative mind set. if i don't write stuff down, it just goes round and round in my head......now i feel as i am more creative that i can control my thoughts more and i am happier. that is what i have been telling my depressed friends.. that u have to fight bad thoughts like joe frazier......ali.......he floats like a bumble bee when those bad thoughts hits, and POW knock out punch...stingin like a bee.....being mentally fit is as challenging as being physically fit as u age. and when u have some condition some text book dictates and docs learn by rote.....u feel judged..and no good. like a leper. no one can begin to understand the pain of depression and low self esteem unless they live it grinding  under it's heel 24 7.......this is a piece of art that i dedicate to mental health week.....hahahahah mission accomplished......i've had this pressure to write this blog for the last 4 yrs.....

i was reading that being creative is a bipolars way of fighting the demons....hemingway said it is easy to write..u just sit down and bleed.....it is like a symbolic blood letting.....it really is....letting off steam from a pressure cooker.....kudos sandi brava

u know, i have very intelligent conversations with my big brained heroes......freud listened while i just said that.....u know what i mean? it is like he is right here with me. it is being multi dimensional. i don't limit myself to this one room i am stuck in. if i imagine i am talking to whatever great person i am interested in at the moment, that person is there inside me, and we are having a conversation. it helps me sort out my issues and thoughts. AH yes! like a hologram deck on Star Trek.....! ahhahaha i was wondering why i kept posting Trekkie stuff. I imagine I am chatting with Captain Picard in his ready room.....i see him now, behind his desk...that is IMAGINATION.... sigh...he is soooooo handsome.....hahahhaha

i have crushes on beautiful talented men i can't obtain.....



back to why i came here......hahahahaa


love the flourish at the end...very majestic...very henry V111