Thursday, February 25, 2010

Goodbye Romeo

Well, I have not been feeling too good lately.....I finished all my visits to UCLA and have no more money coming from them, and I never heard from the jobs for which I applied. I caught another cold last week, the second since Dec., and was feeling depressed all week long. Never leaving my apt.~ just always here all the time.

What makes me upset now is seeing on tv that this young beautiful actor whose dad is the guy that plays Chekov on Star Trek was found dead in this big park in Vancouver. He had moved there to start a new life, and his family was looking for him because they hadn't heard from him since Valentine's Day. He committed suicide. He had gone off his anti depressants a year ago and he had been depressed since childhood. I am very sad for him. He was handsome with big brown eyes and long wavy dark brown hair. I feel sad because I know how he felt. I wish I could have loved him and taken care of him. I know how it feels to be alone and lonely and depressed and without hope. I prayed to God to forgive him and take him into His Arms and to Heaven.

I think like this beautiful man that took his own life, and i feel sad for him and wish I could have helped him.

I'm sorry you did this to yourself, darling! I love you even though you are gone! I mourn you even though we never met one another!

I wish someone cared if I did it to myself. If I didn't have my online friends and my cats I would go completely insane from loneliness.

A kiss to you handsome stranger! You are like a beautiful Romeo to me! Your family and friends love and miss you!

I love you too! Goodbye and God bless you dear!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

More Testing At UCLA for Bipolar Research

I went for an MRI yesterday at UCLA, to map my brain. It was a bizarre experience. They had me in goggles, ear plugs and a headset. Up I went into a huge womblike machine that costs 3 million dollars. I had to press buttons as I watched images flash on the screen in front of me. I was hooked up for them to monitor my breathing and pulse as well. I felt like an astronaut. After wards, I had a bad head ache. Felt sort of sick the rest of the night. I was in that thing a hour, so all those magnetic impulses directed at me can't be good for me. I made $30 from it. I have to go back and have another MRI on the 16th. I got to see my brain though. That was cool.