bipolar moods

 i wish i could describe what it is like to be trapped in ur own head. and feeling reclusive and shut off from the smothering....sets me to pacing and blasting music and moves aren't as free as earlier in my life....i was like a butterfly then......i am all off kilter now (in more ways than one. hahha groucho aside)

being bipolar is like this.......

sometimes it is like those whirling rides that flatten u with gravity against the wall.....pins u down and u can't move.....feel rising panic setting in? can't breathe? heart pounding? just BRRREATTTTThe deep.....relaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx........i have to fight feelings of phobias all the makes me anti social because i don't want to be judged....for my feelings

and then sometimes, i can out and am like a little funny leprechaun type gal.....beaming and smiling and laughing and joking and dancing.....i wonder how i appear to the so called normals. to me, they are clueless. they are greys to my fluorescent. they are washed out to me. they have no life.
i am a happy sun flower, dancing tra la!

be away from me u fools! outta my way, off with ur heads! i feel majestic and funny. i can bandy witticisms with the best of them......get away kid, ya bother me~ wcfields aside i laugh at my own jokes.....

                   buckle up and enjoy the ride in my head!   

oh and  uh p.s. 
                      u can't get off when u want....

     and all the physical bits that go with it too.....the exhaustion and giddiness and fear and elation.....

                      it is hard to cope with sometimes  

                                         people don't understand u 

                     they judge u 

                                 they say u are crazy or weird  

                                                u have to hide ur own true self to the world