my cat elvis is so cute and darling. he has a personality that cracks me up. he loves to attack my slippers. with a little meow! he attacks and hangs on.. i drag him along tenderly, scolding him for being naughty once again. silly cat. my cats keep me grounded or i would lose my mind. i can see where ape shit crazy comes from. the primates become so stir crazy they go insane and throw shit everywhere. i remember visiting the birmingham zoo the last time i was there, and this big hulky gorilla was sitting all alone in his enclosure. i felt so sorry for him. i could see how depressed and lonely he was. poor thing. i have often thought of him in the years since. i know well what isolation can do to a feeling thinking primate like him..and me....
i spent a miserable night last night and was sick all day long today. so stressed and sad and feeling mental. anxious. i really can't stand it anymore. i am gonna try and keep posting on my blog as i die slowly from bipolar disorder. i have decided to let it take me. maybe on another day, i will feel different, but today..tonight..now....i want it to take me home ........so tired....so lonely....i just want to hug and in love...feel safe....i woke up today with a tear soaked pillow....i have been having strange dreams and so scared i am going to get put in the hospital or i lose my place. all this pressure is just making me smoke more. i woke up stiff as a board and hung over. felt sick the whole day until i smoked some. it kills some of the physical pain i am in, and calms me some. i do get paranoid on it late late late at night....
