Friday, February 3, 2012

Withdrawal from evil pharmaceuticals

Trying to wean myself off Zoloft. I have been on it before, and it always gives me side effects when I try and get the shit out of my system. Been feeling jumpy and irritable as hell. Feel like I am gonna go POSTAL or something. Feel bitchy and have PMS too. I go through this every month. Monthly explosion. Short fuse. Overly sensitive to everything. Noise, people talking to me, traffic, my cats, my situation, my despair, my poverty, EVERYthing! Feel like I am gonna go screaming bare assed crazy....can't stand having to fight these feelings in my head. No, all over. I ache all over and feel unbalanced in my organs. Feel cancer. REal CaNcEr? or cancer of the spirit? HOley brain? Crying in the shower every day, trying to wash the pain down the drain. DrAiN friends drive me crazy too, because I met them either here in looney town where I live (everyone here in this building has mental issues), or at the mental health clinic I went to for 20 yrs. Until recently. You know, I think my ex psych doc is losing it. He was insulting to me. I am tired of these strangers telling me what to do. What I should do. They don't know me. They don't know how I suffer!

I saw on network news last night this guy who was very depressed and couldn't function, started getting Special K, a party drug from this doctor he was seeing. The doc was experimenting. Special K effects something else in the brain, instead of Serotonin, which is what regular anti depressants effect. Kerotonin? The drug had an immediate effect on the depressed guy and he has been feeling good ever since. I am ready. I am ready to feel good! Can't stand this constant depression. I hate life and can't stand it anymore!!!!!

prozac nation got nuthin on me baby! 

being super sensitive to life...some of us can self medicate to kill the anguish just so happens to heighten this side to me that i always knew i had. 

i hear messages that only i can hear, apparently.

that is why i stress each person has to have their own awakening and realization.  to go and sit at the feet of  Socrates or .....Buddha under bodhi tree...trail behind Jesus.....just be open, and follow enlightened ones......

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