if i could get away with it, i would do multi slaps to everyone i meet that annoys me. line them up and smack them like moe smacked the other 2 stooges...pop pop pop....why i oughta~~~~!

i've been really irritable for days. i am just barely functioning in public without having a melt down. shopping is always a nightmare anyway, because it's always crowded everyone in this f~ing town. i have been cursing pretty much non stop, and feel like trashing something. i took my revenge on this big bag of kitty litter, stabbing it instead of trying to pull the stupid string thing that never works. i have such anger and animosity and resentment. fuck i hate my life so much. to feel so moody all the time makes me miserable. i bought a bunch of candy to drown my sorrows. and two bags of fudge brownies and potato chips and marshmallow pies and pudding. good thing i don't drink that much or i would so be an alcoholic for sure.

just wanted to note that when i was looking at the word alone, i heard the same exact word at the same time on tv.  so here are some of the words i am trying to remember that this has happened to me.

alone           spirit                       Sandi
curse            angel                     individual    
                    Jerusalem                     illusion  
                    Jesus  
                    peace 
                   God 
            world                true

                                             

i forget what else. i try and write some of it down on facebook too.
maybe God is telling me to not let being alone be such a curse to me. i don't know
but i do know i get spiritual messages from i don't know who!!!!! why don't u just tell me what u are trying to say to me, Universe???