Friday, February 3, 2012

Echo Locators Pinged....steve l.

had nuclear meltdown in the shower. i use that time to pray to GOD. maker of all creation. we are all part of it. i annointed myself in sacred avon skin so soft bath oil! HAHA..hey why not? the lady that used her valuable oil on JESUS' feet must have thought he was worth the HEAVENLY scent. i happen to love Avon Skin So Soft. and it stops fleas and other bugs from biting me, so I save it up for flea infestations, because i am highly allergic to flea bites. i itch all over and wash everything and bomb my place when the fleas bite. so this oil is precious to me. it has some mysterious healing properties. and it really does soften my skin. i use baby oil they rest of the time. LA air is really dry. I am like a mummy from Egypt sometimes.

so as i washed my sins down the drain, and asked THE Heavenly Father to wash me in white golden light of Angel protection, i told him that it has to be now. it is time for him to send my husband to me. God says, ask in my Son's Name, and u will receive. FAITH. it is so hard when i get low. i have hit rock bottom. they gave up on me at the mental health clinic after 20 yrs, and let me go. i hated going there anyway. i hate being around sick in the head people. i feel like i am intellectually their superiors, and my doc was always pushing me to hang out there. even volunteer and teach an art class. i tell him i hate humans, i don't like hanging out with these losers....just saying what i told him. i don't really think they are losers. i just don't want to be reminded of being ill myself. i find it very humilating to be thought of as mentally ill. i am gonna stop telling people from now on. i had to pretend i was ok and normal when i was working, so i have to do it all the time. i just have to either suffer in silence as i have been doing.......or go big..i don't know. i just am   gonna try and heal myself and not let my self hatred take over. it is hard. it is a really hard thing to do. i have to remember i grew up in a family that never showed affection. my mother never said i love u, or gave me a hug. and daddy died in a tragic accident in our basement. i can't always blame myself for my non movement. i am stuck in amber now and trying to fry foot in the grave. i know if i come back and get healthy again and become successful and get married to the love of my life, it will be because I asked GOD to help me. 

i have to believe as i annoint myself. saying positive affirmations of prosperity and joy and love.....i am ready to get well now! valentine's day this year, Lord? Good one. Leap year. Makes a statement. I get messages all the time from God. I follow the clues and I am clever and grateful and happy to be in on the inner workings of the Cosmic Engineer. I saw Dan Ackroyd call God that at John Candy's memorial. That is so true. I like my little messages, and I really can't prove they happen except to say they happen and date and time stamp. I continue being Bi polar Angel of LA~~i am not ashamed. if so called normal people read this and feel empathy, kudos. If not, I feel pity for u, because u don't know God. Maybe because i am artistic and special and sensitive, i feel it more. but now it is time to get well sandi, and wake from this nightmare. Life is for living, and not this what i have been going through. i have to WILL myself to get well and functioning again.........

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