I Am God's Janitor...(Robin Williams in Fisher King 1991)

You know I have not much time left. I feel like I am gonna implode soon. Not well. Too much stress. Too much sadness. Too much pain. Feel too sick. One day I am talking to God, the next, I feel suicidal and believe I don't matter.

 I walk sometimes. Not much. Just to force myself to get some exercise. Walked to the local high school on the 4th to watch the fireworks. Feel so alone in the huge crowd. I am very aware of how alone I am and how I could just lie down and die and it won't matter. Life is hard. Life is cruel. Life  runs us all down in the end. Everyone of us. Every One. We all die. We all become vanquished by death. We all disintegrate. We ignore it, but it all claims us in THE END. "I am sick with experience and am dying"....Fisher King

I keep thinking sometimes I am gonna be well known...that I am gonna fight this demon and win over it. That I can be the voice of mental illness. How it has not claimed me yet. I think I will see Steve and tell him that God wants us all to evolve and be creative.....NOT destructive. Positive affirmation.....God loves Sandi.......I have to believe that, or I go crazy....!  I know Robin can help me vanquish the Red Knight.....

damsel in distress sos sos sos