Friday, April 24, 2009

Pondering about everything under the sun

my therapist was saying yesterday that i know about many different things. well, i have always had a curious mind. i remember at age 5, taking the sunday funnies and drawing perfect replicas of dennis the menace, snoopy and charlie brown. i began reading our collection of encyclopedia britannica at an early age. and i remember when i found the ancient myths of rome and greece, i read with greed. my therapist asked me if i'd ever had my iq tested. i suppose so. when i was 16, i took my GED for my high school equivalency. they called me into the counselor's office and told me that i should be in college. i didn't know what to do with that information, other than say thank u. i never imagined myself actualizing it. i never had the balls or the self esteem. walking onto a college campus was terrifying to me. still is. i was in my 30s before i began taking college classes. i have not taken many classes, but in my business class, my teacher told me several times that i was a good writer. said to the class one day that what took some students pages to describe something, i made succintly (however u spell it) in one page. i am so shy, i cringed when she called attention to me. one day we had to get up in front of the class and give a little lecture. i fretted for days, sick from fear. i almost quit the class, thinking with horror of all those eyes staring at me. those eyes rapt with attention. horrifying!

so i chat with friends from greece--they say how beautiful i am. i say i'm a history freak. i asked one greek, " and am i ur blonde venus rising on a half shell?" he says that helen of troy had my powers of attraction. that made me feel good. i love ancient tales of days past. i tell another that is named paris----r u the paris that ran the foot race to win the golden apple and my princess hand? he says he is. or fight the minotaur. i tell my new muscovite friend from russia that we must practice perestroika. haha!! i am funny with the irony.

i think of morgan le fey and young merlin. i ruminate on the disease of king george the 3rd, who went mad and had purple pee. i watch the history channel and military manuevers of ancient battles. WW2 i have read about many times. the bataan death march. uss enterprise and her many battles in the pacific. how napoleon's troops lost 8000 horses before venturing very far into russia, how he was so confident of france's win, that his troops wore their summer uniforms marching into russia's frozen winter. how hitler in his arrogance made the same mistake and suffered mounting losses from his troops as well. i think of roosevelt, churchill and stalin sitting fatly around--corpulent and old, discussing how to end hitler's reign. i think about hitler's brutal father who beat him mercilessly, and wonder how a sensitive water colorist like adolf could turn into such a monster. it's like i never stop thinking for one minute. always thinking something, achieving nothing.

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