Monday, April 20, 2009

Yeah, You Got That Right

I want to do drugs. I want to drink alcohol. i want to OD. I want to burn myself. I want to cut myself. I want to be sexually abused. I want to hang myself. I want to swim, I want to climb, I want to fly. I want to be me. Not a facsmile of. I am beautiful and sensitive. I want to be nasty. I want to have wings. I want to wear spike heels. I want to glorify God. I want money. I want happiness. I want love. I want patience and understanding. I want hugs and kisses. I dream electric and speak volumes. I write sonnets--I pray odes to the ancient gods. I am quiet. I am hysterical. I am me. I hate me. I want me dead. I want worms to crawl out. I want to be comfortably numb. I want peace and joy and art and travel and love love love. I want a home. I want to feel secure. I wish I were dead. I dream electric. I cry rivers of pain. I travel astrally. I seek indulgence. I hate me. I wish I were not scared be brave. I want to be a wife and be cherished. I want to be treated like the gold that I am. I want to see Italy and Greece. I want to drink in the cultural atmosphere. I want to walk through ruination and ages past. I want to see ancient concrete. I want to see lovers dead and embracing in the catacombs. I want peace and love and green grass to lie on. My head in my lover's lap. His gaze is intense and full of depth. And humor and sweet love. I want to embrace and know joy on a cellular level. I want to chat about Dante, Machiavelli, Dickens, Rudyard Kipling, Rodan, Pericles, Aristotle, Alexander The Great, The Phoenicians, The Egyptians. The Mayan. Peruvian Andes. Native Americans. The Last of the Mohicans. Robert Downey Jr. Jackson Pollack Meyer Lansky, Florence Nightgale, Alexander Graham Bell, Nights In White Satin. No nothing do nothing. I am nothing. I eat dirt and piss, nor shit grave. I dance for hours. I crash and cry and call for help. I wonder if my cats will eat me after I do it and the stink hasn't permeated the apt. complex yet. I am liquid putrefication. I cannot spell anymore. I am tired and weak. I cry at night. I stay up all night. I feel sick all night. I smoke pot all night. I am tired and sick --sick and tired of being sick and tired. The End.

   "normal" people don't speak my language....vice versa

i feel like they are talkin 
       in a language 

         i don't speak and they are 
talkin it to me

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