Monday, December 19, 2011

and it is over...

u know i don't know why i have this urge to tell people about being bipolar. many people before me has already done it... it must be part of my illness to feel like this. that i have to share. it is strange to feel like this. to me, i am not just bipolar, but a conduit for a spiritual force. am i part shizophrenic? when i meet fellow fisher kings, i can see they are touched like me...by what? insanity? or are they seeing the other side like me??? i live with two feet in different worlds....i told my psych doc i live on another dimension, and he agreed....maybe i should have been a scientist and studied the brain....i have delusions of grandeur too, being bipolar. i know i am intelligent, but never knew what to do with it. never had any self esteem. never had any direction in my life...i just drifted along like a leave on a forest stream...i get up and dance to rock music...i am still moving at my age of 52, but i am slowed down alot. i can't move like i used to.....that is sad for a dancer. when i danced onstage, i barely  touched to floor....i have always been light on my feet....oh how i would love to have a beautiful sexy husband take me dancing! a lovely, interesting, happy and handsome man that loved me and looked after me! i cry for lost love and lost happiness.....


so i find all these videos on you tube that put into art how i feel being bipolar. so what i say isn't news. how i suffer isn't news. so i quit going on about it. there are others out there worse off than me. 


i will just continue being esoteric and writing down when i get my messages from the universe, and maybe someone will take note one date to listen to me...i don't even care anymore. i am sick and tired. and worn out like an old dish rag.  i told my friend last night that i am like the old bent lady that lived in a shoe..can't pay the rent and don't know what to do....got no children but plenty of cats......old bent lady that lives in a shoe.....

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