Wednesday, December 28, 2011

if this is real, then my helpers would be here by now

i am hating life right now. i can see how delusional i have been....i am a big loser. that is why i think i have become 'spiritual'. because i can't face up to what a failure i am. i am a big zero, and can't deal with that notion, so i start getting grandiose illusions of myself changing the world somehow. the truth is, and u know it, sandi, is no one cares. that is it in a nut shell. u r alone and will always be alone. u r mental. no one wants u. u r nothing and a big loser....

i just don't know what is going to become of me....the bloom is off the rose.....i am old and unattractive now. sad and blue and depressed. i wasted my life. i want to leave this world soon.....i can't stand this reclusive depressing life anymore. it is no life. i just exist. that is all.

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