Wednesday, December 28, 2011

eccentric aunt cat lady~~

that is better adjective.......i think it is an adjective.....

major crying jag.....cried so much i felt sick and threw up. i just don't understand how to get my life moving again...i am so inert and fearful and self loathing.....i am ashamed of myself for letting it take over my life. it has. it has taken over. i have let my illness take my life over. i don't know how to get started again, and am depressed because i have to start all over again at age 52.  hormones make me miserable too...i have pms every month and heavy periods....feel sick all the time and depressed and sad. don't feel well enough to go out and pursue anything. it is a big drain on my psyche. to feel terrible about myself all the time.

and then my neurotic friends come round and unload their shit onto me....can't stand my life anymore. i need to move on with my life somehow, or let bipolar depression kill me....i go through this every christmas season. feel like my life is totally over now. too depressed to make an effort to meet men, and don't trust men anyway, so it is useless to bother with it.....lonely and sad, growing old alone. i wish i could move back to florida and live on the coast and meet nice friends .....i am so done with are selfish pigs here.....or is it just me? they see a vunerable woman that is nice and takes advantage and i let them????? yeah good i quit dating 3 years ago......i am screwed up and just want happiness...what the hell? why did i let my life get fucked up like this? what the hell is wrong with me??????

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