please send help to expediate asap, universe!

it is hard to type when i am feeling so ill and lost and spiraling out, only to slam back to reality and can't pay my bills and my psych doc just let me go. i knew it was gonna happen after they let my friend k go from this mental health clinic i have been going to since the 90s. i am having delayed reaction to it. sick and  not sure what to do. i have been feeling myself being built up to something for months now. every christmas season i survive by will alone. i have been made redundant in this world. not sure how to drag myself out of this morass. i have shot myself in my own foot, i guess. i wanted to move on, and i can't get my social security anymore, then i am not sure if i can stay here in this apt building. i have been sorting through my things for weeks, trying to get rid of stuff so i can move on to another life.....where , i don't know,  dammit