i've been languishing for weeks, losing weight from depression.. very reclusive and addicted.....playing my music loud and going delusional..pacing the floors, getting messages from god.....crying on my cyber boyfriends' shoulders about my bipolarness.....i feel like i have to confess my illnesss to everyone, like it is a sin or something....i am ashamed of my disease. i am embarassed to talk about it, but feel compelled, cuz i am in such pain....i chat with tons of hot looking guys from all over the world....got over 2300 friends on tagged now. i return emails 24/7 it seems...fucking depressed as hell the whole time. not just mental either....physically i feel like i'm dying or something. getting scrawny looking. my clothes hang off me, and i can reach across my stomach and touch hands, i am that thin...
and then i go to job interview......i try to function in this too real world with its traffic and noise and millions of anonymous faces....i have been off my psych meds for 3 weeks now. manic......acting crazy...blowing kisses at men... this is how i used to be in my 20s and 30s....flirtatious.....and trying to find job at the same time.....weird....
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