Vestiges of a car wreck

I have no idea what that means...I just write what comes to me. I feel like I am slowly dying.....Weak and illl. Full on manic high last night-----I am surprised I woke up and am still alive..fukkin mental, dude...when my friend and I walked the few blocks to see soloist yesterday, I told her I was weak and it was hard to get there...while watching movie,,,I was making loud comments and crying.....she and I were both crying cuz we are both bipolar and live an apt bldg full of mentals on disability....when u live in 3 and a half and sometimes 4 dimensions, everything is intensified in ur head.....I didn't know if I could make it back home, I was so ill... my friend asked me jokingly if she would have to carry me home on her back.....i have cancer of the spirit....I ask God to get me physically well so I can do my mission and get the word out about being homeless and mentally ill.....about the state of the world.......I wanna write about my life on the outside looking in and the effects of isolation has on the brain......maybe NASA could benefit from knowledge for further space explorations........I am isolated and detached from the world, yet live in total urban environs, with busy LA street right outside my window....it is my mind that is a prisoner, and body follows.....I feel the pastor at my church is out to get me...he has learned my secret and is really evil and wants to stop me. I don't trust him...should I go to church and say hi to God and reboot soul, only to have evil pastor stalk me to my car and try and get me to join church? No, I will stay home.. Too weak to sit through service......