I have been seriously depressed for weeks now. I tried to get out and buy some groceries today, and couldn't do it once I was out. All I could do was get a hamburger and bring it home to eat here. I was Ross clothes store looking around, and was looking at myself in the mirror and hating what I was seeing. I suddenly decided to leave cuz what is the point of buying clothes when I have decided to commit suicide? I really feel unwell. I came home with my burger and laid down on my couch again to rot.
About 6pm, I had a knock on the door, and this lady that cleans for the tenants here came over to help me clean. I had a worker before that helped me, but I let her go in January cuz she wasn't dependable enough for me. So my place looked like a junk yard. She came in and we both did some cleaning together. My bathroom and bedroom is still a big mess, but at least the kitchen and some dusting and sweeping in the living room got done. So I gotta acknowledge the little blessings I get in life. To feel so desperate as to feel suicidal all the time. A little kindness is greatly appreciated.......now I go back to cry some more.....
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