Crying Over Lost Love Once Again..

I felt bad cuz I went off on Nico for finding someone and getting engaged, so I emailed him and apologized. I said I just couldn't stand the thought of losing him, and that it was like losing a treasure, never to be found again. Like losing my best friend. No, it is more like losing the love of my life. I should have gotten over there some way some how to meet him. Got money somehow to fly to Italy, and now it is too late. I feel sick all over....

I sent him a video by Heart called Alone, which is about being sad that I don't have my love anymore.

He emails me back and sends me a video by Queen, called Nothing Can Stop Me Now, which is all about how he is having a great time and he is like a rocket flying, he is having such a good time...I went cold all over when I saw that. Thanks Nico. Way to rub the salt into my wounds.

I have been crying and severly depressed and feeling suicidal for over 2 weeks now since he said he found someone else, and he is happy as a lark. I hope she dumps him! I shouldn't say that, but I want him to feel pain too....I am in total pain and he is in love and having a great life...why do I end up so miserable and alone????? Why God??? Why is that??? Here I go again, crying and feeling so low.....I want to die. :(

I put a photo of me in a red dress on my profile on tagged, and have been getting friend requests non stop for the past hour or so. They all think I'm beautiful and I feel like shit and miserable. Oh God, I am going to ask you directly....please send me a wonderful, kind man that will love me and I will love too. Someone I am attracted to!!!!!!! Someone who will take care of me and keep me feeling safe and happy. Someone that will take away my money fears and give me a good home where I can have my flower garden and pets! Please Lord! I beseech Thee! In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Maybe If I put it on the internet, God will hear me.....