i have decided that i have a death wish. like i am manic now and staying high or drunk to avoid the inevitable. that i am going to put myself out of my own misery. i want to live and feel everything and shove it down into my unconcious for the final act. thoughts of a buying gun to put a bullet in my head. i hate this. i want to savor the beauty, not pour shit over it.
don't destroy the good thoughts, sandi. be mindful. spring breeze, warm skin, tasty kisses. u r not going to lose this and u r not going to die. u r going to live sandi. u r a good person. u r worth loving. ???????????? why does it make me cry to say this to myself? i want to live and block black thoughts. block the black dog.
whatever is true, whatever is fine, whatever is lovely, think on these.........
i am true, i am fine, i am lovely, i am worthy
God loves me.