Tuesday, May 24, 2011

All My Exes..

I sometimes reflect on all the rotten men I have had relationships with, and I am amazed that I put up with all the bad behavior from these losers. Not one of them did I ever love. From the time I got to CA back around 86, I have met nothing but creeps and users. But I have to reflect that almost my whole life I have had users taking advantage of me. Me being a naive and good person, I put up with that crap. My self esteem got really low, until I thought maybe I didn't deserve anyone better. I hate all them, and their karma is going to catch up with them all. Some already has had bad karma hit them. I am psychologically damaged from their abuse, and all I can do is pray to God to take away my anger and pain.

I hate men. I don't trust any of them. That is sad, cuz I am a giving and sweet person. But when u have been abused so much, u give up. And I am angry at Nico for leading me on for two years. I am very angry at him and hate him as well.  I hope he feels unhappiness with the girl he chose. I hope she hurts him really badly. I finally thought I had met a good man that cared about me, and found out he was just playing with my feelings.

I am so lonely. I don't deserve this. I want a life and husband and love just like any other woman. A nice home and happiness. A nice yard to plant all my flowers, and where my cats can sit in the sun....

Positive affirmation: God looks after me, even though I get filled with hate and anger, jealousy, bitterness and despair. I have to let go, and let God. Let God help me through life. My hands and blessed with wealth, and my body, heart and soul and getting well and positive and happy through Christ Our Lord, Amen...

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