My therapist Jane came by to see me yesterday. She was glad about what I was saying. That I should be more positive and see myself as others do. That I am going to church and getting out more.
And today, I wake up completely depressed. One day I feel half ok, and then next, total despair. I felt too sad and irritable this past couple of Sundays to go to church. I feel really hopeless about my life. I know I need to get out and start making money to improve my life, but I am so lethargic and have no clue how to get started. I have given up on life. All I ever do is sleep, watch tv, or be on the computer.
I am trying to stay away from talking to Nico. He is no good. I have realized. He is just a flirt. He has no substance to him. I wanted to believe he is good, but he is just another user, playing with my feelings.
He sent me a pathetic little smiley face in an email today. That was it. I emailed him back and told him that I didn't need his little crumbs of affection, and not to bother. What a waste of time he was. I told Paul a couple of yrs ago the same thing. He couldn't be bothered to call me and get to know me. He would just send a one sentence email. If they can't be bothered with showing any kind of respect to me, they can go to HELL as far as I'm concerned. I am worth more than that shit.
I am going to list what people say about me, to make myself feel better:
I am beautiful
I am sweet
I am an angel
I am good
I am funny
and I will add...
I am artistic
I love animals
I try to be a good person
I am trying to be more spiritual
I try to be kind
I love God
God loves me too
Jesus is my Savior
I pray that God puts me on the right path to happiness and love. And that I will feel energetic and do good things with my life in Christ's Name and His Path of Enlightenment.