I think I am really losing it sometimes. Being alone here all the time is making me go crazy.
I have been trying to forget Nico, but he crops up into my sub concious. Whenever I am upset about someone, I have nightmares about them. I have been chatting with this guy from Rome who says he is a fireman. He seems nice. Someone to take my mind off Nico. I told him I was going to go take a nap with my cats. I have been depressed and sleeping a lot the past couple of weeks or so.
I dreamt I was in Rome, and it was a dark place, full of people walking everywhere, and I couldn't speak the language. Men would jostle me and grope at me, and I was being chased by someone who wanted to kill me. I was crying, "My husband is a police man! My husband is a police man!" Meaning Nico. Cuz he is a cop in real life. Only he lives in Poggibonsi, not Rome. And I woke up depressed and sad. Even in my dreams, negative thoughts reach me. I don't know why I torture myself like this. I feel all exhausted and never rested.
I told my dream to the guy in Rome, and he said Rome is not so bad a place to be. I told him I must have been in Roman Hell. ahhahahha Roamin' in Hell.....Sure felt hellish anyway.
I am going to try and say at least one thing positive about myself or my life each time I post, so I won't feel so dismal. Maybe it will help retrain my brain to think better things...
Ok.......I am smart. Next post, I say something else good....
Sandi, God Loves YOU! God wants you to be happy and well. God looks after you. God loves Sandi
God Loves me! God loves me! God loves me!