I am really starting to have a nervous breakdown or something. I wake up saying that I am going to kill myself over and over. I couldn't go to church cuz I had a bad night trying to sleep. I just got up now saying to myself...let's see your year in review, sandi.....u did nothing. u achieved nothing. Still a recluse, still a loser. Can't even function anymore in society. All you do is stay alone.
While I sat here alone waiting to chat with some man on the other side of the world, he was out living his life. Traveling, going out with friends, playing music, working, visiting his family.....and now he has found someone and has forgotten me after I chatted with him for two whole fucking years! And she's a lot younger than me and I am still alone! I feel like I have wasted the past two years hoping for a dream to become reality.
I am 52 in August, and I am still without a husband or family or home. Still destitute and living on Social Security. Still sad and depressed. My life never moves forward. I feel miserable and unhappy every day of my life. I don't even know how to go about getting a job anymore. I feel bleak and of no purpose. I feel totally useless. I go buy clothes to make myself feel better, but I never go anywhere or go out on dates, so what is the point of that?? I feel insane and crazy and I wanna scream and run out into the street and be run over by cars. I hate my life. I am a loser. I hate my life. I am a fucking loser!!!!!!!!
Ok Sandi try and say something nice about urself....I am still alive. I am not six feet under yet. I'd prefer to be cremated......