Saturday, May 14, 2011


Nico sent me an email in response to the emails I sent the other day, saying that my words hurt him. Well, what about how I feel?? I am going nuts here! I am angry all the time and irritable and depressed. I curse so much a sailor would blush. I am going to church again to try and feel better.

I have to be positive somehow. I have to say that I AM BLESSED,  and not cursed. I AM BLESSED because Jesus died for me. Shed his blood to take away my curse. I pray to feel better and be shown the way on the path of righteousness.

I was talking to this guy on cam today. He is from Italy and is a songwriter/guitarist. He said he is agnostic, and doesn't believe he has a soul. I asked him how he could be an artist and not believe he has a soul? Where does he thinks his essence comes from? He said it is just chemicals. He put me right off him when he said that. I told him how I get little messages, and I was saying something about being spiritual, and right as I typed that word, someone on tv said the same word at the same time. I told him that, and he says, oh that happens....!! Oh yeah? How many times to you? It happens to me a lot! And I get messages on certain words......angel, jerusalem, spiritual....      I tell him about synchronatic things happening to me, and he scoffs at it. I feel sorry for him. He denies his own soul!

I know I have a soul, but it is sick. I need to get well in my heart and soul, and I pray to feel joy in God. I am hoping if I keep going to this new church, I can start being part of what is going on there. Maybe make some friends there and network and get a little job so I can save up some money to move on with my life. It is time for me to move on. God knows I have been stuck for years and years. I want to get my energy back and do good things with my life......

Good thing to say about me today~~God looks after me, even though I am ungrateful and bitter and full of hatred. God loves me..........!!!!!!!

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