I want to get out today and am dressed to go out, but I feel sick and paranoid. I want to walk around Venice Beach and see all the artists and vendors and people walking, but I feel so overwhelmed. I get so paranoid. Today, I feel like my alien self. I have angel self and bitch mode self, and alien self.
There are big waves at the beach today too. My therapist tells me no one even notices me if I am paranoid, but I feel like I don't belong to the human race sometimes. I feel I want to hide. I have been hiding for yrs now. I need to get out for my health and well being.
My friend said she is thinking of going Venice Beach today after her doctor's apt, and wanted to know if I would meet her. I don't know. Reality is so harsh. I can't deal with life. It makes me anxious. And I feel so tired. Like I can't even be bothered to move. Lethargic. I am dying slowly here in LA. For real. I want more out of my life, but I don't have the energy to do much. I even tell men that who ask me out on a date.
I am damaged here! I am damaged gal!!!
I ask for strength to go on with life, dear God!
Thank you! Amen
Positive affirmation for today~~~
My Hands Are Blessed With Wealth!!!!