Friday, May 13, 2011

Here Without You

Nico asked to chat with me and said he missed me. I wasn't that friendly to him. Just polite. I have been in physical and emotional pain since we talked yesterday. I kept taking naps all day long cuz I was depressed. I wish I knew how to get my life on track again. Starting feeling good for once. I wake up saying to myself that I am going insane....I have nightmares and feel rotten. I can't go on like this. I sent Nico and email after I watched a show on Dr Phil it is:

i was just watching dr phil on tv..... i don't know if u get him over there. he is a psychologist that has a talk show here in LA. 

this woman was on dr phil, and was really upset cuz she was in love with this guy from london that she had been chatting with on skype for 10 months. they had made plans to meet and be in love, etc....but she found out he was engaged to someone else. so she was really sad and depressed and wanted to know why he had done that to her.

so dr phil sent her and a private detective 5000 miles to london  to find him at his home. she knocked on his door and he wouldn't speak to her at first, but after his fiancee left, she went back and he let her in to talk for about 30 mins...anyway, she was crying on the show and i felt so sorry for her, cuz i feel the same as she does.

dr phil told her that yes she is in mourning, but to think she is in mourning not for the man, but for the dream she had of having a life with him. she agreed, but she was still crying. i just thought i would share that with u.

i feel just as sad as she does. i feel sick from it. i just gotta keep going to church and try and stay spiritual. dr phil said to think of it as a lesson learned. i try to do that too when things hurt me. that i am learning painful lessons to make me stronger. i love u hon, but u r a dream. if u wanted me, u would have come here for me. just know i think u r special. xx

~~~And u know what my reality is?!!! My cat Tigger knocks off a couple of my plants onto my bedroom floor, and there is mud and dirt everywhere now. While she is with my Nico and they are in love and having fun, I am miserable. It is not fair! I am sick of being unhappy! Why can't I be happy in love too????? I just don't know what kind of lessons I learn from being so hurt and miserable. I just keep going back to sleep to avoid everything. 

A nice thing to say about me today? hahaaaha I will try. I love animals. Even when they drive me crazy!

No comments:

Post a Comment