fun city!!!!!!! it is like being in one of those horror clown parks.....lost in the hall of mirrors.....
they just installed this huge boulder some dumbass artist talked private donors into helping him move it to LA county museum....they donated 10 million dollars to move this stupid thing at night, because it is so big.
10 million dollars, and people are starving out there....for shame, u rich bastards!!!!!!
how many millions of animals are killed every year in our "shelters" of America....10 million dollars could build several no kill shelters....
damn, can't u guys build food pantries for the poor?
....i am amazed at how moronic and selfish humans are....so insensitive and unkind...i wish i was rich and could help.....of course, i would have the house and everything, that is a dream of mine....but i would try and help animals and the homeless and hungry....
jesus was cool, cuz that was what he was all about....he lived with the poor and loved the little children, and taught everyone to look after each other and forgive......it is hard, Lord!! i don't think we deserve any more chances, cuz i find human behavior abhorrent. but that is for u to decide, Lord.....
i told my psych doc that i despise and spit on the human race.....but under better circumstances, maybe my life would have been different, and i can only blame myself for becoming what i am. i drifted along all my life and never really learned a profession, and feel bad about myself......i do teach myself computer stuff and will always have a curious mind.
i watched this show about einstein last night, and how he kept calculating right up to the end....when u have a curious mind, it is like a hunger.... i mourn not having a nice bf or hubby that i had something in common with. i love history, art, animals, science, traveling, etc.....and would dearly love having my soul mate find me, but if it happens, it happens....
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| einstein had a quandry of conscience...his equations and brillance brought about the atomic bomb, but he believed in divinity, and tried to disprove his own theories as an old man |
the most important thing to me in life right now is to be able to support myself and get myself out of poverty AND start feeling better. beat the shit out of this depression.....kick the hell out of it til it departs...
i sometimes conjure up an image of a baby me...about 2 or 3 yrs old, and i am mothering her....i am loving her and holding her and telling her how special she is.....i never got that ever in my real life, so instead of being forever bitter, i try and love the little lost girl inside me...i still remember to this day sitting in my granny's lap, and leaning against her big soft breasts...it is strange. when i got older, i told mama that she never showed me any affection when i was growing up, and she said, well, that was how i was raised! so it is sad my only memory of feeling any kind of physical affection was from my mama's mama, who didn't show her any affection! and it is like it jumped another generation, cuz mama was affectionate with her grand kids....hell, i am JAN BRADY!!!!!!!!!
i am still hearing messages, but it is normal words too....
like yesterday, i was filling out an online contest from my favorite tv game show for a trip to south africa...right as i am filling it out, someone kept saying africa over and over again on some news show i had on....i wish i would win!!!!!!!..if i did, i would take so many photos of animals...i always wanted to go stay in that hotel queen elizabeth honeymooned in...or was that charles and diana? oh well......i don't sleep much and forget things.....it is a hotel in a big tree, and giraffes walk up to it and stick their heads inside.....so killer!!!!!! those huge big soft brown eyes with those ridiculously long eye lashes.....i love studying animals..they are special and i hate to see them eat each other in a dog eat dog world....they have it so hard, and humans just dump on them and use them and beat them and do horrible things......i have become a new person after seeing so many posts on facebook from animal rescue groups....i am teetering vegetarian. i am a guilty carnivore. i thank my animal friends now that died to make me a meal. i say thank u to their poor brutal lives and cramped factory farms and pain and suffering. i hope to one day apologize as a thinking feeling human being to our always forgiving animal friends that share OUR planet....thank you...
i remember reading that book animal farm when i was just a kid....lord of the flies.....society gone bad in a big way. charlotte's web was such a great book to read when i was just learning to appreciate reading. just a little kid....all the little house on the prairie books.....just loved them all.....kids nowadays miss out not reading, they really do. robert louis stevenson, charles dickens, oh and i loved these so much~~the jungle books by rudyard kipling.....gunga din, oh i cant remember them all mowgli !!! and then i discovered sci fi.....it was like giving water to a thirsty man.....so many hours i spent reading 3 or 4 books at one time.....i haven't read anything in so long. i can't keep my mind on it, and so my books just sit there collecting dust.....just like my head! i will be glad when i can insert disks into my head and i can relive my happy times in wonderland and flying with peter pan in neverland...
today, i was scanning my tv list of what was playing on cable, and right as i see a movie named Motive, i heard a detective on this crime show say it....strange.....i don't understand it when i just get ordinary stuff....here i am trying to understand why the universe is chatting with me, and i get words that doesn't have anything to do with what my mission is.....crazy thoughts....crazy train.....damn i just don't know what to make of it.....
i am sensitive to sounds and smells and lights and thoughts and feelings......
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