i was up til 10 30 am today and dropped down unto my couch and fell asleep.....got up at 5 pm and chatted with my neighbors about what i have been going through. i tell my friends all the time that god is real. i FEEL it!!!!!!!!!!!
i know it seems crazy,
|let go mom, ur squishing me!|
us if we don't WAKE UP! and bring everything into balance
mona lisa smiled..... hahahahhHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHHHHHHHHHaahahah
|wow that was a fast answer to my plea, lord. u did hear me! thank you thank you thank you|
|and the holy spirit came down from heaven in the form of a dove PRINCE OF PEACE|
|i do believe! and if i become totally healed from bipolar depression and can lead a happy life, it really will be a miracle|
stream of conciousness
hahahahah>>>>>>>>>> follow the wings......just heard that from a commercial...i am gonna turn the tv off now....i have to think about all of this......this is amazing and scary and i don't know how to prove any of it.....hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaadavincicode hahahhaha
|i have been hit like saul on the road to damascus.....st joan of arc.....|
just heard my name on jeopardy..my favorite game show...i test my brain with it. i test myself against the human computer ken jennings and ibm watson...i been meaning to say that.....!!!!!
yeah no shit, sherlock......hahahahaaaaaaaaa
alex just asked this contestant named reid a sports question, and it came out like something something sandi , reid.......it was a question about sandy cofax.....am i insane????? please tell me someone!!!!i don't think i am! i think i am pointing the way just like da vinci.....
blows my mind!!!!! and i have been noticing since i have posted things and gone back later to re read, that ironic things pop out it me now. from hindsight. monday day quarter back. OH YEAH I AM BACK. oops. i was writing below. i went into somekind of geek alert mentality, competing on jeopardy...after i heard my name from alex t, i started playing. i tried to get on wheel a few months back, but froze....hahahah dumb ass...doh! DOH! hhahaha
hahaha question about ego and freud correct
i feel crazy......tonight live at 11 on EYE witness news, live live live one on one with obama
mano o mano.....should i say hi hahahah oh hell no no hell no never back up...u crazy girl? now way. secret service? nein hell no non nyet no way jose nada uh uh oh helllllll naw!!!!!!! hel no hello obama. hi be strong. i am humble and stay hidden. i am doing this as art. do not be alarmed
the xfiles correct
the walking stick? no leaf insect
no holy roman emperor
no apollo 12
it's not coming to u? ocean state
okefeonke swap yes
good subject people of europe.. we will be back in a moment.....hi alex...u rock..u r so darned smart i was in the audience...cant yell out answers though!
castille??????? i am too addled to think straight i don't know
who are the basques? no
hiberians? misspelled with an h, reid
no IBERIANs left a mark on their land........
don't know who they are, but i am gonna look them up....if no one believes me, oh well. i am my own sleuth. i am following oh enlightened one! davinci code. hahahahaha u thought u were writing fiction haaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaa so funny....
the universe is amusing me
I AM AMUSED
MAKE IT SO
dan brown would find this amusing....i really think so.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
DAVINCI HAHAHAHHAHAH YOU ROCK!
michangelos david next..he is so beautiful
just looked up the meaning of the word fey.....u know i just calls um as i sees um and sometimes i even surprises me!
i'm part scot too....and english.....so yeah, i can say i am FEY....if u look up the definition in websters....good ole dan'l webster
i got up today feeling awful.. dragged myself to take a hot shower and pretty much collapsed on the floor crying. i did that several times today, but i feel better now. earlier, i found out that i am totally tapped out on money. i have zip. can't pay my bills. tried to go to the farmacy to get some smoke to feel better, cuz i would rather be high and manic and dancing and laughing than sick and flattened like a pancake from depression. none of my cards went through fukkit.....on the way home, i kept getting impulses to stomp the gas and drive into something, or drive to venice and drown myself. i have to fight these thoughts all the time......
i came home, and the new social worker here was in the hallway, talking to my neighbor...i walked past to get my mail, and my friend said what u don't talk? at which point i said very loudly, i am tired!!!! i am out of money! i feel like shit! i hate my life! my life sux!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and came upstairs to try and smoke some of the ashes to feel better.
i was looking out my window, cuz i have my computer overlooking a busy la street, and tons of people were milling around, standing in line that was about 2 blocks long. i had to go see what was up. i usually don't move, even when the royals drove by or there are big crashes at the intersection or marathoners riding by on bikes .....i am in my ivory tower, looking down.
i got over there and walked up to this african american women in red and asked what was going on.....a new headquarters for the obama campaign....hahahhaa it is opening today and right now there is a huge line of people waiting to go in....i walked back to my place, and this cute young african american guy came running past, saying oh man there are so many people! and i asked him,what are u guys gonna do, just go in and look around? he said they were serving food and a movie and u had to have rsvp'd....he turned as he was running and added, hey maybe u can get in with ur charm! i said hey maybe i could at that!!!!!!
i went back home for a min and then walked back across the street and decided to test my specialness..just to see if something would go my way for once!!!!!!!! i walked up to someone in the crowd and said what do i have to do to get in here? someone said ask the lady with the clipboard...i am so jolly hahahahah i really am fey...finding that word makes me feel so much better about myself.....so i am laughing and talking to everyone and i said hey i am looking for the lady with the clipboard! i went straight to the head of the line.....ahhahahaah i laugh when people get scandalized by my behavior.
this other african american lady had the clipboard and i said, what can i do to get in this place? i live right across the street, and i think u should let me in! ahhahahaha she was very friendly and i was joking with her and this african american man in his 50s i guess.....he was amazed at how i just walked up and said to let me in....he said, we have all come from all over...the valley, etc.....and i said, well then that means i should be let in first, because i live right across the street! hahaha
he was getting upset, saying i have to go to the back of the line.......i was saying where is the food? i am hungry and i am BORED of never having any fun! i came here for the food! cuz i really am hungry! i haven't eaten barely anything but a piece of chocolate for 3 days now.....i just don't have the appetite, but i get really dizzy sometimes.....the lady told me they were just serving popcorn and soda with a movie....
oops ....there they are all starting to go in...........ugh the line is so long.....when i was standing at the intersection before crossing the street, i was talking to this young good looking guy with a camera slung over his shoulder, and i said, i am gonna be on tv, watch this! i really think i could get myself noticed too, cuz i am so mirthful......
the lady was saying i had to get a ticket and go to the end of the line and i said no, i think i should be let in first cuz i live right there! and pointed at my window....she said well if this was the south, they probably would let u in...and the man said no! go to the end of the line! hahahaha
and i said to her, i am from the south, and i bet he (indicating the man), is from either here or the north....hahahahahah men in this town have no clue how to be genteel....how many times i have struggled to open a big door, and they either push past me, or just ignore me. if i drop something all over the ground, they walk around me. and if i fell on the ground, i am sure they would just either walk around, over or right on me....i would have dirty foot imprints on me where they used me as a stepping stone...
no food? so i said ah bllllllttttt!!.....(raspberry), i will come back some other time for the movie! i wanted something to eat! and then i laughed and said to the man, hey i am just playing with u baby, and patted him on the arm, and as i was leaving, said only for him to hear, and please don't judge me, i have bipolar disorder....and walked home.....hahhahahah i got this urge to give them the link to this blog so everyone would read it... hhahahhaahha robin williams in his scot accent ah fuk naah!
i do some wacky things that amaze even me sometimes. i used to shoot pool all the time, and would dance while playing...and of course, i did it as a living...did beauty and dance contests when i was younger...i was very bubbly then
..hey everyone is yelling and honking horns out there...someone with a megaphone is out there talking away, and there is a camera van.....there is so much that goes on on this street, and i witness it from my window...it was probably on the news, but i have the tv off tonight. i am so tired of staring at it mindlessly...always on in the background mostly, but tonight for once it is off.. idiot box.. talking heads.
bore bore bore zzzzzzzzz dying from boredom
i liked playing with this guy cuz he was so straight... he was shocked that i walked up to them like that. i have to have a sense of humor or i would do myself in from this constant pressure of depression.
people are still filing in over there,,,they are not all gonna get in those rooms, unless they cram them in there.....there still is a line a mile long.....living in lala land is like living in an ant hill....we are all piled in on top of each other...no wonder i freak out..the traffic is awful....my car is always fukked up....i have no money... lines and crowds of humanity everywhere i turn....i feel as if i am gonna explode or something!
..i woulda stayed and gone inside if they had real food!!!!!!!!! and if obama was there himself, i woulda got my ass pushed to the ground by the secret service, cuz i probably woulda walked right up to him and started talking......amazing.....
other times, i am like a wall flower and so shy i can't even talk or think of thing to say.....i am child like and blush and stammer...writing on this blog helps me understand myself.
kinda odd how i talk about obama, and today they open the headquarters
and i was thinking of my fireman amico that lives in rome last night, and today he says hi to me on yahoo messenger...we haven't chatted in months.....i wish i could pick the lotto tickets too my dear!
i've actually had dreams where i won the lotto and tried so hard to remember the numbers when i woke up....i think once, i did remember, and didn't play. but i think i checked the numbers and i didn't win. i find it odd that i can be so special, and think god is messaging me, only to turn around and have harsh reality bite me in the ass.....u would think i would be well off or something!!!!!!!