Saturday, March 10, 2012

need a booster shot of faith and love

i can't understand how everyone doesn't believe there is a God. how do they get through life without that  inner strength? i suppose since i am alone i notice it more. life means absolutely nothing to me without God. 
i see no meaning to life at all without help....i just can't do it alone...i have been to therapy, and i am too insular with my feelings to want to share them with anyone. with God, i don't hold back from it all. the cursing and crying and fear...i have to know that someone out there cares
i have to know i am loved unconditionally, no matter what i say...
i'm no bible thumper, by any means. i am mary magdalene.....
caring, kind, but i've seen the dark side of life
jesus loved everyone
no matter who

to think that there are a cold, empty galaxies out there
and we are the only sentient beings 
is insulting to me as a soul
i am a soul in a meat suit
this passes, and i move on,
just like everyone. maybe that is our ultimate lesson
i was brought up in a judeo~christian society but to billions everywhere, the soul begs for some kind of relief from pain
whether it be christianity, islam, buddhism, etc....everyone is crying out for divinity

so why would there be such disbelief? why do we only focus in on ourselves and our wants? 
 and why do we make celebrities demi gods?  

big huge egos and little tiny brains and little tiny tin hearts

they are as much real gods as
liza minelli trying to turn off a lamp
that makes as much sense
ref~snl sketch 3/10   ;o))))))))) !!!!!!!!!!!

you know what? i would rather worship cheese first.

i wish i could take this lesson and start over

i feel like one of those dreams where i am taking a test and didn't study at all
i don't want to fail at my test, but i am stuck in amber once again....

i have to build what is left of my life and get over all of the pain and anger. they are like anchors around my neck...

that is why i post positive affirmations to myself. my inner think is so negative and questioning and helps me to write it out and see it for what it is...

                                               STINKIN THINKIN

hahhahahahaha i heard that on a tv show i think, once

so why do we all let ourselves be led around by the media and celebrities and how everyone looks?

celebrity driven society is a waste. i like real actors and real artists. people that stay grounded and good even though they are venerated by the public for their acting skills or what not. really creative people that are grounded, i believe, know inside they have a special gift bestowed them.

i think vivian leigh was a real beauty...she had such delicate features and sea green cat eyes...she was bipolar and had many ups and downs. i believe that movie she was in with brando...a streetcar named desire, showed a little of her inner self. and later a movie i forget the name...she plays an fading actress that moves to rome and gets hooked up with a gigolo, played by warren beatty.....she was good at showing her fragile side. she had many espisodes of mania in her life. olivier couldn't take it HE was a hottie!!!!! sorry, i am a big classic movie buff.

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